We didn't get to see the house on Monday.  Then Seth left for WV.  So...we'll see it next Monday, barring any unforeseen circumstances.  Why do there always seem to be unforeseen circumstances?  Honestly, I'm just hoping nobody else has offered on the house this week.  We'll see.

Will keep you posted...

Every couple of weeks, my friend, Quinne, post "ellipses" on her blog, which I shamelessly cut and paste in my own post, replacing her finished sentences with my own.  I do this because it makes me stop and think about things I typically don't think about...those tiny blessings I otherwise miss, the little things I wouldn't necessarily remember if I didn't jot them down right then (I also do it because it usually comes on a day when I haven't blogged in two weeks, and still have nothing interesting about which to babble endlessly).  Since I don't tend to slow down very often...this has become something I look forward to whenever it shows up.

One of the sentence-starters in ellipses is "Making me smile..."  I always have a difficult time with that one...generally not because I can't think of anything...quite the opposite.  Though we have some tough days along the way, most of them are pretty great.  Usually, I can think of several things making me smile, so choosing is difficult.  Days do pass, however, when I forget what I have to smile about.  This week has been filled with those days, I'm ashamed to admit.  This week...Seth left on Monday and will return Friday...this week has dragged.  Let's throw in a major snow storm, a couple of blinger headaches, gusting wind, staying up too late on Monday, and this stage Reasa has entered...wow.  Much easier to gripe than to smile.  However.  When I awoke this morning (after blissfully ignoring my alarm for an hour and a half because that's just the kind of person I decided to be today), the sun shone through the miniblinds in my bedroom.  I love that.  There is joy in rising before the sun...because you can accomplish so much before it appears, and you have the pleasure of watching the day as it awakens...but waking up to sunshine peeking through the windows...luxurious.  Sunshine peeking through the windows the day after receiving 9 inches of snow interrupted by 4 hours of rain??  Where to begin?!  That sunshine got me thinking about what was making me smile this morning.  And if you think I'm going to keep it to myself...I mean, come on.  You know I can't do that.

...snow clothes spread all over my family room, drying in front of the woodstove.
...spreading those clothes all over my family room several times daily, because they have gotten wet again after drying.
...watching the kids' bundling-up ritual.  It's amusing.  Bryson and his tree frog hat (complete with ping-pong-ball eyes), Lainie and both pair of gloves and both hats, Reasa and her green leggings and butterfly jeans.
...my son's amusement with his mouse.  He just can't leave her alone...building her block towers and "couches" in her cage, pushing her around in his dump truck, letting her climb up his arm and giggling.  She'll probably die of overhandling...but she'll be well-loved.
...the pulley system the kids have rigged up on the stair case...to send each other goodies found all over the house.
...Lainie's new-found cheerful attitude about learning new spelling words (despite the fact that she misspelled them to begin with, thus making them spelling words).
...being able to leave my scrapbooking stuff set up in the family room...just waiting for me to work on a page.
...my daughters' dear friend who ends her instant message conversations with them with "love you."  And means it.
...knowing that my friend Carolyn plans to kidnap me on Monday for a girl's night out, and even made arrangements for my kids for me.
...keeping my job as Wedding Coordinator at Victory, despite living here, and despite little annoyances along the way.
...the countdown to the girls' weekend...every day is one day closer to that...ahhh, sweet escape.
...owning a treadmill.  I know, that sounds ridiculous, but it's true.  It makes me smile.
...Lainie's growth as a gymnast over the past 3 months...and her incessant cartwheeling/handstanding in the family room and kitchen.
...always hearing humming...or singing...from my children.
...instant messages.
...not having to remind my kids to pick up their clothes from the family room any more, due to an ingenious idea from my friend Kendra.
...Bryson's journal.
...Persuasion. Jane Austen.
...dear friends from my past.
...nibblers and dip.
...the smell of my kids' foreheads on bath night...and kissing them even more than usual because they smell so yummy.
...good kid movies.  That I choose and watch.
...Persuasion.  Did I mention that? Oh, and the fact that I have time to read here.  Fascinating.
...marshmallow-roasting in the wood stove.  hee hee.

I could go on and on here (could you tell??).  I won't.  I'll spare you.  But I could.

And now, since this has taken the entire day to actually get "on paper"...I must go kiss my kids some more.  I hope you'll take a moment and think about what's making you smile today.  I hope you have a list you struggle to finish too...because you just can't stop thinking of more things...

Wanna see another picture??



And here's the kick-butt selling point for me:
(hate the border...but the kitchen???)  And it has a dishwasher!!!

And Seth's?  The 2 acres it sits on.  With the giant pond in the back.  And the 3-tiered deck and inground pool.  And the fact that it's about 9 miles outside of town (and for me?  Only 9.3 miles (or something close to that) from Walmart.), but only about 10 miles from his office.  And I can get to Lainie's gym in 15 minutes.

Sigh.  Going to look at it Monday.  Today's house was a total bust.

Wanna see a picture of the house I want??

We looked at the house this afternoon...we actually "broke into" the house (the back door was unlocked) with our realtor to get into it...it's beautiful.  It actually has (almost) everything I've been praying for.  The only exceptions--the kitchen is little.  The bedrooms are smallish.  But with a little bit of elbow grease (and the wall between the kitchen and the dining room coming out), we could totally make it work (and it's beautiful.  I seriously wouldn't even paint the upstairs.  Really.  And if you know me and color...well, anyway.  It's a big deal).  And with as much living space as there is throughout the rest of the house...smallish bedrooms aren't that big of a deal.  The great things?  Great neighborhood.  Huge family room.  3 bedrooms upstairs, with the possibility of a fourth downstairs (which means one room would be a school room).  A yard.  A craft room.  Separate laundry room.  2.5 baths.  Built after 1970.  Garage...so that Seth can work on the vehicles without freezing to death.  Doesn't need any work (well, I mean other than tearing out the wall).  Central air.  Microwave above the stove.  I know.  Sounds like a silly list, right?  These are seriously the things I need.  There are other things...the biggest one is that Seth and I have to agree that we could both live with it.

We're talking about it.

And looking at another house in the morning.  I'll keep you posted.  :)  And here's the picture:


My gut feeling?  Probably not going to happen.  Kitchen is a big, big deal.  Sigh.  But I love the house. 

Making me smile…videos of the kids on sleds (launching over snow ramps!) today.

On the window sill… a huge sweet potato plant!

I am sipping… Walnut Crest Merlot.

Looking up… the life of Sarah...recognizing her joy, and her obedience.

I am creating… a scrapbook of 2008.

Thanking God for… warmth.

I am striving for… joy, not from me.

I am praying for… Paige.  Eric and Kendra.  My kids.  Our house.

Praising God for… unexpected blessings!

Outside today… melted rooftops.

On my notepad… our new pastor's phone number, the due-date for the dynaparents tupperware fundraiser, the titles of two books to get at the library tomorrow, Bryson's pokemon doodles, two things I need to remember to put on my grocery list, a reminder to get a birthday card for my brother before Sunday.

About seven years ago, Seth and I started seriously looking at buying a house.  Buying a house before that point just couldn't happen.  I stayed home with new babies the three years prior to that (and before that, taught in small Christian schools...umm, almost for free), he worked a seasonal job, we still had a car payment, along with all of our regular, day-to-day expenses, and the banks would have laughed at us if we had asked about a mortgage.  So, we waited until we knew it was possible, and searched in the bottom end of anyone's price range...thinking, "Hey, you never know."  We found our house after over a year of looking...we knew we had to find just the right place, we would have to put time, effort, and some money into whatever we found, and that patience was critical.  We looked at our house that first round of house hunting...and the price...no way.  We put an offer on a house just up the street, actually, and it didn't work out.  The following year, you can imagine our surprise when we found our house in foreclosure, dramatically reduced in price, and when we offered a ridiculously low amount for it, after a couple of rounds of counter-offers, the bank accepted.

Now, in this happy story, please remember that we spent over a year looking at houses before this actually came together.  Seth and I learned as we shopped that we have completely different ideas of "the perfect house."  Oh. My. Gosh.  At several points, we looked at each other in complete disbelief.  How can you marry someone with such completely opposite tastes??  All I can say is that God has an interesting sense of humor.  He must laugh hard when he watches us, shaking his head as he does.  Seth likes modern, cookie-cutter.  I like old, interesting.  Seth likes new construction.  I like character.  He likes ivory.  I like bold color.  I see dollar signs when I see new houses.  He sees dollar signs when he thinks of repair and remodels.  For whatever reason, we walked through what would be our house and we both fell in love.  When we walked through it the second time, despite the rancid smell and the food on the walls, we put the offer on the house that day and prayed for a quick response. 

Last spring, we took a drive through this area with a realtor...after searching online on several different occasions, sending our ideas to the realtor and looking at hers.  We actually walked through two houses.  Nothing has changed.  Nothing.  At that point, not even our move was set in stone.  The summer came and went, we sold our house, we actually moved here, knowing that we needed to check out the area more before we made a decision about where to live.  Now that we've been here almost 3 months, we have an idea of where we'd like to be...so the search has begun in earnest. 

Nothing has changed.

Well, except for one thing:  this time, I have a very specific list of things I've started praying for.  I know exactly what I need in a house, and not just because I would love to have them in my happy little dream world (although the idea of a finished basement/rec room where we can have a school area, a place for my crafts, and realistic storage for the kids' toys is a bit of my happy little dream), but because I really feel like they are necessary to make our family function the way we need to function.  A kitchen large enough to make cakes (with the possibility, eventually of double ovens).  Four bedrooms (haven't decided if each kid will get one yet or not).  Half an acre or more (that one is for Seth).  Within 10 miles of groceries.  I'm praying over this list daily.  More than daily.  And I know that God knows my heart, as well as what I actually need.  I'm pretty sure he knows that I need to not live here for an extended period of time, and that even Seth is getting antsy.  And the kids...well, maybe you read my last post.

So, we'll call our realtor tomorrow.  Hopefully he'll know about something in our price range that we haven't seen online yet.  So far, nothing fits "the list."  We have to find something we can agree on, right??

Pray with me?

Bryson came downstairs Sunday night around 10 (after being put to bed at 8:30...not much sleeping going on during that time, I'm afraid), and he had that look on his face...that I-know-I'm-going-to-be-in-really-big-trouble-because-it's-really-late-and-I-know-how-you-feel-about-me-still-being-awake...but-it's-good, Mom,-I-promise" look.  I admit...I sighed.  Loudly.  I love my children.  Desperately.  But when I put them to bed, especially on nights when Seth travels...I need them to sleep. These long days alone with them...well, they're long.  That's how I felt Sunday night.  I needed him to sleep.  But, here he stood before me, obviously needing comfort.  "What's wrong, buddy?" I asked with a thinly disguised "what is it now?" tone.  He sheepishly looked up at me and his eyes filled with tears which he fought only momentarily...he said, "Mommy, I just want to move back home."

Sigh.

He went on to explain that he missed our house, that he hates our new house, that he wants to see MeMe and Ompy more, he wants boys to play with, that when we move to our new house, he wants it to be the one we just left...no matter how much I tell him that new people live in our house now, and they bought it from us, and we will never live there again, he just can't grasp it.  I mean, he's six.  He only remembers that house--we moved there just after he turned one.  This whole transition has affected each of the kids in different ways...the girls started out tearful and moody, but they have basically adjusted.  A few meltdowns here and there...usually about how tiny their room is, and how they can't stand being in the car so long all the time.  :)  They have valid points.  But I know that getting involved in other activities has helped them.  Bryson..it seems to creep in at pretty regular intervals.  A couple of times a week.  I understand his heartbreak, truly.  I just really didn't expect it to slam into him quite so dramatically, of the three of them. What might make it more difficult is the fact that it still slams into me at regular intervals.  Sunday night, it happened to be kicking my butt at the same time it hit him.  I keep thinking I'm getting over it...that I've made the transition...and then I get lonely.  Or bored (Bored?  Seriously??). Or I look around this house and just can't stand it any more. 

I cried with him for a couple of minutes...took him back up to bed...assured him that Mommy and Daddy had started looking at houses so that we could find our "real house" soon.  He calmed down, watching his mouse race around in her wheel...and eventually, he fell asleep.  Monday morning, he told me he had a dream about our new house, and described his room (his very large, decorated-with-pokemon, lined-with-all-his-toys room) in detail, and asked what time we got to go to our friends' house for our playdate.  As traumatic as Sunday night was, he was ready to move on.  At least for the time being.

We'll all have these moments, I'm afraid...well, the kids and I will, at least--Seth has had longer to be away at this point, so his transition has happened more quickly...I know we'll adjust.  I know this will become our "normal."  Just not quite there yet.  And right now, for a few days, I'm just missing...so much.

While showing our house in the fall, it struck me on numerous occasions how quickly my home went from beautiful, show-condition display to disastrous, can't-even-find-the-feather-duster-to-clean-off-the-cluttered-counter tops state.  That happens everywhere, I've found, whether I'm showing my house or not.  If it's possible, I think the tendency toward entropy may be worse here...when I know no one will just show up at my door at any given moment, I don't fight it as much.  Add in the fact that my husband is out of town for part of the week...the kitchen stays clean, but the clutter collects.  The bathrooms are swished and swiped, but the school books and folders stay on the family room floor.  Entropy.  It's real.

I realized today that entropy doesn't just exist in the physical condition of my home, wherever that home may be.  It exists in my life.  Let go of routine for just a moment, and my mind is gone.  Gone.  Dismiss discipline for 10 minutes, and the kids lose their minds.  And so do I (again).  Ignore the fire...cold house.  Don't read with Bryson for 3 days...he forgets 3 letters.  No math facts with the girls for a month...long division gets scary.  Entropy.  So real. 

It even exists in relationships.  And it's usually simple busy-ness.  Laziness.  Neglect.  Not because I intend to ignore a relationship, but because I forget not to. 

It's an accidental choice.  Made intentional when it is allowed to continue.

Entropy.  With my friends.  My family.  My kids.  My husband.  My Savior.

My choice.

I do love Christmas.  The secrets.  The giggles.  The excitement that surrounds every conversation, especially those concerning presents for each other.  The, "Mommy, is it ok if we come in your room?" because they know we have gifts hidden in there.  And I told them the story of ruining my Christmas when I was about 10...and how the fact that I love Christmas surprises keeps me from trying to figure out what I've gotten even to this day...all as a result of being so disappointed that one spoiled Christmas.  They have no desire to ruin their Christmas surprises.  Add to that the fact that they all truly still believe in Santa Claus...well, it surely does help to make Christmas my favorite holiday of the year.

I love Christmas.

And I love when Christmas and the holidays that surround it are over.

I get to the end of those two weeks completely out of breath.  Ready for them to end.  So thrilled with everything that happened in the process...but so glad to be done.  This year has been no exception.  Our focus this year has been different...we spent much more time preparing our hearts for the season...less time making "Christmas" decorations and more time talking about "Christ."  But there is a certain amount of that you can't escape...and don't want to escape, frankly.  Hours online finding the perfect gifts (because Seth works out of town, and shopping without kids was impossible).  Remembering the months of, "OH, mommy!  I want THAT!" as they watched advertisements on tv.  The "do we have enough to put under the tree?" conversation (umm, duh).  The "we have done too much...we need to stop NOW!!!" conversation.  The "what are we going to do for your parents??" conversation.  And then...it comes...and goes.  You wrap presents, they get unwrapped.  You anticipate, and plan, and run around like idiots, and within an hour, everything is opened, everything is played with...things get put away, organized, even forgotten.  I don't think the kids have even looked at the books I bought them since they opened them (hmmm).  You run around for another week, returning stuff, getting batteries, visiting family (opening more gifts), planning for New Years...and you spend the last 3 days of vacation trying to recover your sanity and your house...and it's right back to it.

I have never been so glad for a return to the routine.  Because, you see, this year, it wasn't actually as much of a return to a routine as it was the beginning of a routine.

I love routine.  I forgot that.  I remember now.

Even with dentist appointments and Horse lessons thrown into the day, today was a return to something I have so missed since we moved here.  Routine. 

Ahh....Routine.

Forget resolutions.  I'll take routine any day.