it's time to move on.

basically, i'd love to just say, "forget it," to the owners of the brown house, to the realtor about the other five houses we're supposed to see, and make a pretty-close-to-full-price offer on the house we saw yesterday that is "good enough" (and really, it's better than that.  a lot better.  though it's going to require some TLC, i would gladly take that house).  i guess we would probably regret that decision in the end, considering i generally believe we should explore all the options before making a decision...at this moment, however, i just don't care.  every day that goes by, every day we don't make decisions, every day we don't make any progress...is another day we have to stay here and live in this chaos.  i walked through the house this morning, 10 minutes after my kids had woken up (we usually start slowly around here--a good half-hour of wake-up time, then an hour of "chores" to get our day started), and felt myself beginning to boil.  the kids started getting more stuff out to play with and i lost it.  my parents are coming tomorrow.  they totally don't care about my house or how it looks, but when they come, i do like it to be...presentable.  call me crazy (hey, i'm used to it).  i think the weeks of living this way have finally just taken their toll...well, that and the fact that we know we're not going to live in the brown house until we close on it, if we close on it, and that no matter what house we choose, i know there's at least another month of waiting for all of the closing details to come together...

i'm so ready to get out of here.  so ready to move on to the next stage, even if that stage means projects.  projects i can do in my time...without the pressure of having to get it done to make it ready for someone else.  so ready to be settled, and mostly out of boxes.

and yet, i have a feeling this is why i'm still here.  you know...i've always thought of myself as a pretty content person.  happy with my circumstances, even if they're less than ideal.  satisfied with "enough" and not necessarily wishing for "more."  this is a quality that often makes my husband nuts--the comment "you'd be happy living in a cracker box" comes to mind.  i am not content right now.  though i know that i have more than enough--a very warm house (and yet cool in the hot temperatures), more than adequate provisions, plenty to live on and with, people who love us and take care of us, children blessed with health, Seth's great job, activities we love--i am not satisfied.  i have allowed these circumstances--this stupid house and it's location!--to control my emotions and my attitude.  i get it.  rest assured, i understand that sometimes God allows our circumstances to test our character, and that in this situation, i have failed.  i know i've blogged this before, and you're all getting sick of my grumpiness by now...i just need to remind myself.  putting it "on paper" always makes it more real for me. 

so, now...what am i going to do about it?  i have no choice but to accept the fact that i have another month here.  at least.  now i organize the boxes so that we can live amongst them.  i clean the house like i mean it.  we finish school this month so that i don't have that hanging over my head while trying to unpack boxes.  i finish the quilt i started for Reasa.  i work on the things i have started and have been too caught up in my own miserable-ness to put any effort into completing.  i get off my lazy, whiney butt, and i move on.  how many times have i said this here??  when am i going to actually do it?

now would probably be a good time.  (oh...and in the midst of writing this...i found my family room.  imagine that.)

we're going to look at 3 more houses tomorrow.  Seth is sure we're going to find "the house" tomorrow.  we'll see.

after the whole situation with the rental agreement on Friday, we decided not to sign it until we talked to the owners (with whom we've been in pretty close contact since the day of the home inspection in February)...who, we found out Monday, were advised not to speak with us.  by their lawyer.  who is our lawyer.  i told Seth we shouldn't be dealing directly with them WEEKS ago...but whatever.  Monday, we finally asked our realtor to go back to them with potential changes to the agreement...met, basically, with an "absolutely not" on everything other than lengthening the total lease to last six months rather than three.  we requested that we be able to terminate the agreement at any point (if the closing didn't occur before we decided we wanted out) to give them some incentive to get this over with...nope.  no dice.  then, handwritten at the end of the "new" lease agreement the homeowner signed:  "What happened to integrity?...WE serve a higher power."  don't even get me started here, folks. 

that was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back for me.  i was absolutely speechless when Seth told me about that.  i'm trying to figure out where we have not had integrity...i mean, we got the mortgage.  that was they only thing they needed from us, or that we agreed to with them.  whatever.  i told Seth i couldn't talk about it any more tonight.  we need to mull this over...pray it through.  i'm ready to tell them we're all done.  as much as i want that house, as desperately as i don't want to see all of that work and money go down the drain...and let's talk about the $400 we will pay this month to have kept the mortgage locked in for this long...i'm furious with the way this is happening.  what could happen over the next six months?  we could get moved in there, and never actually own the house.

additionally...Seth spoke to our landlords...who told us we can stay until we close on our house...whatever house that may be.  so, there's a definite stress-relief.  let's not talk about the fact that we'll be living in box-land for another chunk of time...ugh.

and we actually looked at a house today...which we agreed we could make work for us.  it wasn't perfect.  it needed a lot of cosmetic work.  not on quite as much land as we'd like.  no pool.  a few features were missing.  but, the point is...we agreed we could make it work.  then we came home and found out it was already under contract...the buyers haven't been able to sell their house yet, but they have a contingency agreement.  must be...not the one.

so.  tomorrow.  we'll see.

need to put up some new pictures.  makes me sick coming here and seeing the pictures of that house.

...remember yesterday's post?  yeah.  scratch that.  the agreement we looked at with the realtor today looked nothing like the information we got yesterday.  so...we're waiting again.  hoping to hear from the owners themselves. 

you know that point when it's time for something to go dramatically right??  this is that point.  really. 

looked at 5 more houses today.  i'm wondering, how can someone ask $209,000 for a house where 1/3 of it is falling off the side of a hill?  just a question...

must sleep.  maybe all day tomorrow.  well, except for the part where i make a chocolate cappuccino cheesecake for my girl's night out party at Carolyn's.  and the part where i get to her house at 6:30.  that part i won't sleep through.  thank God for girlfriends.

Well...you know how it's really incredible when you wait and wait and wait and get really discouraged and then...at the last possible moment, when you've basically lost hope, all of a sudden, something happens that makes you sit up and take notice?? 

We got a call from our realtor...the homeowners have worked out a rental agreement.  A reasonable amount in rent for the first two months we are in the house (assuming we don't close in that time), and then, after that, $1 a month until we do close.  They really intend to work this out--to pay off the lien so the title can be released and we can buy the house.  And, at $1 a month (when they still have a mortgage payment to make), it would definitely be in their best interest to get everything settled. 

We might actually get our house. 

I'm still terrified...there is, of course, still the possibility that we might not hear anything tomorrow...and they would no longer be obligated to keep this agreement.  BUT...this is a pretty big deal.  We could move this weekend.  We still plan to look at 8 houses tomorrow afternoon...because we just don't know what could happen, and we want to make sure we're being responsible...but...we could get the house. 

If you have been praying, thank you.  And now, please...I'm begging you...don't stop. 

I'll keep you posted!!

Oh, and by the way...don't ever go 16 years between dental visits.  Just a word from the (now) wise.  Ugh.  Or maybe "ouch" would be more appropriate.  And she told me my teeth were in exceptionally good shape for having been so long between visits.  Too bad I have 3 more visits scheduled in July and August.  Oh, and floss.  Really.  Do it.

I am a horse idiot. 

This is not an exaggeration, it is just simple fact.  When we first started taking Reasa to lessons in December, I had no idea what to expect, no idea what her instructor was talking about, no idea what to do to be helpful to Reasa.  Everything about the structure of the horse, the way you might groom a horse, how to get on a horse, what to do once you are there, how to take everything apart after the lesson is over...nope.  Clueless.  Western?  English?  What's the difference?? 

Oh, there's a difference.  I still don't know what it is, I mean, other than the saddle.  But there is a difference.  And why do I know the saddle is different?  Well, because we bought an English one, of course.  Nope.  No horse.  But we do have a saddle.  And a helmet.  And a saddle blanket.  And a riding jacket, a shirt, and riding pants.  Still working on the proper boots (though I have bought two pairs so far--one pair doesn't fit, and the other I had shipped to our former address.  Nope.  Not even kidding.  Because, you see, we'll be showing a horse at a show here in town next weekend.  Reasa is beyond excited.  And nervous.  I have no idea how to help her prepare, what to say to make sure she asks the right questions (what are the right questions??), or even how what time she needs to be there beforehand at this point.  I have never felt so stupid about something one of my children has done in my life.  Even when Bryson started playing soccer...no, I had never played on an official team, but I know how it works, I know the positions and the basics, I could practice with him in the back yard.  Gymnastics?  No problem.  And if you really want to be able to help your kid...join the sport with him!!  Karate is a blast to do together.  But horseback riding??  I'm a complete and total idiot.  But I said that, didn't I? 

Now, I have to admit...I can now (help) groom a horse.  I learned so that I could help the process along...so that the amount of money I'm paying for lessons isn't chewed up in 30 minutes of preparing the horse to get her onto it's back (and 30 minutes of actual riding).  We've got grooming down to about 10 now.  And for the past two weeks, she has ridden with a group of girls about her age, so I've been able to sit (or stand, as the case may be, so that we can all stay warm enough while we wait) and pick the brains of the other mothers...all of whom have been doing this for at least a couple of years.  We have a very generous club--most of Reasa's riding gear has been handed down, free of charge, from the other girls (minus the saddle, the helmet, and boots)--and the moms are super-helpful.  I still feel like an idiot, but they have all told me they did when they started too.  It's much easier to be an idiot when you're in good company.  Even if they're smarter now. 

Although, I'm still not sure I ever really want to own a horse.  We've always talked about it...but they can really become all-consuming. 

Reasa loves it.  You should see my girl when she's getting ready for a lesson.  Or talking about Dinger.  Or sitting on the back of that horse.  Other than being a bit intimidated by her very good instructor...she just loves every second of it.  Sigh.

Maybe I won't be a horse idiot forever.  We'll see.

We started the search back up today...assuming we haven't heard one word from the homeowners since Seth left the message on his voicemail on Friday...it's not looking good.  I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact that the house probably won't actually be ours.  Ever.  It makes me sick to my stomach, frankly.  Today, we looked at two houses...after I got lost trying to find the first one because it's on the end of town where we've never spent any time.  We upped our budget to look at these houses today, as we will to consider the 6 or 7 others we'll see on Thursday...and I wish I was more impressed.  I'm blown away by the amount of money we are looking at spending on 3 bedroom houses.  Without yards.  Or basements.  Built more than 40 years ago.  I try to justify these prices...thinking there must be some unbelievable quality these homes possess to make them worth so much...and I keep winding up disappointed.  What I hope is that something in one of the houses we see on Thursday just stands out...something we can't live without it.  Even better...that it would be vacant, and that we could close quickly. 

Actually, what I'm hoping is that my husband gets in touch with the lawyer directly tomorrow, rather than going through our realtor, and that he makes some headway, and that we have a rental agreement or a closing date by Thursday or Friday.  So that the house I desperately want is the house I actually get to have.  Realizing this may be my plan and not necessarily God's plan...well, I'm praying.  Hard.  For peace along the way, however it turns out.  For resolution.  For a place to live before our landlords want the cabin back.  Pray with me, friends? 

You know those days.  Those days when you have a million things you want to write down so that you remember what you did and how you did them and how you felt and all the thoughts that went through your head and where all those thoughts led and what you did about them...

...and you don't. 

Those days. 

Those are the days you will probably remember even if you don't write them down.  And sometimes the writing it down...turns it into something that everybody else has to read about and experience with you.  And you don't necessarily want that. 

So.  I'm not writing it down today.  It was a day.  It happened. 

And it's over now.

...here's the latest.  Seth issued the ultimatum to the homeowner today--either have a rental agreement which satisfies our requests (notification from the bank and the insurance company stating they're current with their mortgage payments and that they will be getting the money to pay off the lien), or have a closing date by next Friday...or we're done.

In the meantime, there are no houses for sale that come close to meeting our needs, there are no houses for rent that meet our needs, and our current lease is up in two weeks.  Add to that the fact that they really would like us out of here, and are not likely to let us continue to live here (which was not part of my understanding until this afternoon), and the situation becomes a bit more urgent.  And let's talk about the possibility of closing on another house in two week's time, even if we were to find one...

It's been a rough afternoon in the Frazer household, let me just tell you.

After reading back through that post, I just wanted to make something very, very clear...I am crazy, crazy flattered that someone would actually read all the way through what I have written over time.  I can't believe that someone actually would!!  When I started blogging and finally got brave enough to tell someone I was doing it, and then when I found out people were actually reading it, I felt stupid.  I mean, really, this whole blogging business...it's kind of arrogant, isn't it?  Writing something, putting it out there for anyone to read, thinking that people are actually reading it, continuing to write on a somewhat regular basis...and then checking statistics to see if anyone is reading it??   Pretty bold.  I'm no author...no one is editing my work (though, sometimes, I wish someone would...I miss way too much--and an editor would cut more than half of what I'm writing because it's completely unnecessary)...it's pretty much all about me, me, me, me...(well, and my kids)...AAK!  Why would anyone read that??  So, when someone actually gets on here and reads...or when I see that someone is reading and has been referred from an RSS that points to my latest entry (and I only know what that is because I use google.reader and know that it's a subscription kind of feed)...which means they actually want to know when I write something new...it makes me grin a little bit.  I feel a little bit less like a nobody.  A little bit more like a somebody-who-might-be-a-tiny-bit-interesting.  I know it's really just silliness...but you make my day, dear readers.  When you comment...it's like doubly wonderful. 

So, what am I saying?  Thanks for reading.  Thanks for checking in on my crazy rambling.  Thanks for reading all the way through--I'm so flattered.  :)  I don't think you're a stalker (well, I hope you're not a stalker... ;) ).  I just don't really feel worthy of taking up that much of your time.  No need to tell me who you are...but, hey...now you know more about me than...hmm...maybe anybody else.  Feel free to introduce yourself.  :)

We had the most interesting day around here today.  I spent it kind of running from one thing to another...packing a box, getting distracted with something going into the box, or something already in the box, cleaning a sink, making lunch, researching paddock boots, listing a pair of field boots that didn't fit when they arrived, vacuuming, throwing a couple more logs on the fire, packing another box, deciding why on earth I kept sheets for a bed size we no longer have (only to remember that the camper has that size...), doing a load of dishes, baking a cake, packing another box, paying bills...basically, I did my thing, and the kids did theirs.  We need these weeks--these weeks when we don't do school, we don't have plans, we don't fill our time with anything other than doing what we want to do.  The kids did so well throughout the morning.  They agreed on Wii games, they agreed on what to play together, they agreed on make-believe topics, they agreed on lunch ("Grilled Cheese!!!").  At about 1:00, I started to notice that all this agreement...all this happiness and productivity...was headed south.  Fast.  I decided to ignore it.  I was on a roll, darn it.  They can do this.  They don't need my help agreeing on something to play.  And they can do it without the television on.  I broke up the "she doesn't want to play what I want to play" argument, and told them they needed to agree--choose something that wasn't all about one person's preferences--and they figured out how to incorporate a boy topic with a girl topic:  Polly Pocket held a fashion show in my family room, and Bryson flew his Lego jet in with models on board.  Nice.  Some more happy agreement.  For a little while.  They even decided along the way that they wanted to do something else...and agreed that they needed to pick up the widely spread Polly Pockets before they moved on to the next thing. I worked really hard not to fall over from the shock.  :)  They went upstairs and spread Legos all over instead.  Unfortunately...the clean-up didn't work quite the same way with those...

At 3, I gave the kids the 30-minute warning that we had to leave for the post office and Reasa's horse lesson at 3:30.  You know that warning--the one that goes largely ignored, and then...27 minutes later...despite two more warnings, one at the 15-minute mark, and one at the 10-minute mark...there's this mad dash to get everything everyone needs to either ride or sit through an hour-long riding lesson.  And Mommy is losing it because nobody actually did anything.  And Reasa is angry because, once again, she's going to be late (though she still doesn't have carrots for the horse's treat or her boots).  We made it to the post office, and were only 2 minutes late for her 4:00 lesson...which actually went very quickly.  The problem in all of this came into play because Reasa didn't enjoy her lesson today--her first trail ride, for which the other girls in her class begged, but in which she didn't get to "do anything fun."  OK.  I think this may have been where the day actually fell apart.  It may have started after lunch, but it really kicked in after her lesson.  We came home and I worked on dinner while they played...but nobody could agree on what to play.  My awake-way-too-early-this-morning son decided he needs a brother.  The girls never want to play anything he wants to play and all they ever want to do is girl games.  Lainie didn't want to play bakery and post office the way Reasa wanted to play it, so they stood around and argued back and forth with the whole "uh huh" "uh uh" "uh huh" "uh uh" thing going on (oh my gosh, this makes me nuts).  Reasa (who slept until 10:15 this morning) was perfectly content (after I ended the uh uh and uh huh back-and-forth), because she said, "I can play by myself just fine, Mom. I don't really want them to play with me anyway."  What??  ARGH!  Bryson was already in his room crying at this point, and Lainie was headed that direction...so what did I, wise Mommy that I am, do?  I told all three of them to get their butts downstairs and agree on a game to play while I turned on my new Cardio Core workout and let them laugh at me while they played.  Interestingly, they figured it out (while I fell over myself a bit--new workouts are always a challenge)...and before we knew it, the workout was over and that meant dinner was done.  After dinner, they found a movie for 30 minutes to watch (Bryson almost fell asleep on the couch), recorded the rest of it, got their bednight snacks, and headed to bed.

It's Wednesday.  Day 3 of our spring Break.  Days 1 and 2 were lovely...happy children, much accomplished, lots of running, but everyone basically cheerful and relaxed.  Do you know what tomorrow could look like after this half-and-half day? 

We're doing school tomorrow.  We're going to do the fun parts, but we're doing school.  I feel so bad for the moms who are home with their kids all this week and have nothing to do.  No back-up plan.  When I told the kids as I tucked them in that we would do some school tomorrow, each of them actually breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Good!"  Not because they love school (although, Reasa would tell you she does), but because they know as well as I do that it keeps them busy and not fighting when we spend the whole day at home.  And they know they will still have time to play--because it is vacation, after all.  And besides...we have time to play even on non-vacation school days.

I love homeschooling.  I love having options and the freedom to choose when we school--when the kids need it, and when they need a break.  We are so spoiled.  I'll take it.

Sometimes I pay attention to my stats here...just to see if anyone is actually reading my blog.  I don't know why...not like it matters.  I'm going to continue blogging even if the 15 people who read now never come back, because, frankly, this is my therapy/journal/counselor/friend as much as it is my blog.  If you check your "statistics" here on spaces.live, you can kind of tell what people have been looking at, in terms of what site they were at right before they came to your blog and where people are wandering around in your archives and that kind of thing.  Last night I noticed that someone was reading right straight through my blog from day one, basically.  I'm so curious as to who could possibly be that interested...because that person appears to still be reading!  Oh my gosh, friends, I am so not that interesting...three years of blogging has to get old...I ramble about the dumbest things!  So, to you who are reading through my blog, I apologize for the trying, tiring read it must be!!  I am sure that eventually you had to stop last night just out of sheer boredom!!  You probably fell right to sleep reading (oh, wait, that's why you read from the beginning...you were hoping to fall asleep!!)!!  :) 

Oh, brave reader, leave me a comment and tell me who you are!!  (or, send me an email if you'd rather remain more anonymous...promise I won't pester you or further embarrass you!)

Ahh...the insanity. As I work at unburying my house from the pile of rubble which took over my home upon walking in the door from our weekend, I'm reminded how much I loved living closer to my family.  At least then, it was just a couple of Wegmans bags full of stuff.  It's such a process going home for the weekend--even if that weekend is barely even 48 hours!!  It took us all morning on Saturday (amidst dying Easter Eggs and cleaning up from that process before we left) to get packed and situated...then we waited for Chani to come home from her half hour romp in the woods...(ooooohhhh...I love my dog.  It's a good thing.  Otherwise she would have been out in the woods all alone for two days.  I have never been so tempted to just drive away and not give her another thought.  How do they know when to disappear like that???)  And the unpacking/cleaning up process...ugh!!  You always come back with that one bag full of stuff that's so random, everything goes somewhere different, and you just avoid unpacking it because it's so annoying to think about...then two weeks later, you discover the bag in some corner of your home and realize there are like six things in that bag you've been needing for two weeks and had no idea where you put them.  Am I the only one who does this??  I am learning, however, about this unpacking business with young-ish children--if you tell them they need to empty their suitcases (so that you can do the five loads of laundry generated in your 48-hour trip)(how does that happen??), walk into their rooms after they have "finished" and make sure everything came out of them.  Otherwise, you will have your 10-year-old sobbing as she stomps up the steps that she doesn't have "ANY jeans ANYWHERE!" and you won't have any clue that she left both her favorite pairs in the bottom of her suitcase and shoved it under her bed, and you will frantically tear apart every drawer, closet, laundry basket, and hamper in the house to get the child dressed and out the door on the way to some activity for which you are already running late.  Trust me.  It's worth the 30-second trip into their bedrooms. 

We stayed an extra night at home, actually...avoiding coming back, I guess.  The nice side-effect of doing that is that now, I'm motivated tomorrow to work on my house.  I know we're taking the week off (that was up in the air prior to last night), and can now dedicate myself to cleaning this place out to get it ready to move.  Not that we know when we're moving...but at least I have more motivation.  I'm not sealing the tops of any of the boxes I pack (because I'll probably need something out of it before we actually do move), but I'm going to pack up the rest of the stuff in shelves and on walls and so on.  And the girls' room.  Ahh, the girls' room.  I can't wait to move them into a much larger bedroom.  With a closet.  I can't wait to be in a house full of closets, for that matter.  You don't realize how important closets are in a house until you don't have them.  If you don't believe me...seriously, just unpack one of your closets into the bedroom for a couple of weeks and try to find homes for everything without using the closet.  You laugh now.  But try it.  You won't laugh then.

I'd also like to take this blogging opportunity to tell you how wonderful Bakerella is.  And to add that I suck at what she does.  I mentioned on Friday that I was attempting cake pops as described on her website (bakerella.blogspot.com).  Even mentioned that if they turned out, I would post pictures...and that I couldn't wait to do that.  Did you notice a lack of cake pop pictures posted?  That could be because there will never be pictures posted of those cake pops anywhere.  And I will likely never attempt them again.  Why, you ask?  Oh my gosh.  If you know me, you know I love fussy.  I live to make fussy cakes.  I like fussy crafts.  Give me a fussy project to work on any time.  But please, oh please, never ask me to dip cake balls shoved onto sticks into melted chocolate again.  I won't do it.  Someone with more patience and a lot more time on her hands (like, it's her job kind of time on her hands) can make them.  Not me.  I got 25 of the 140 or so dipped (they were pitiful.  drippy.  see-through).  I stopped, and threw the rest of them in a rubbermaid container and let my family munch on the yummy, uncovered-with-chocolate cake balls over the weekend (oops...think I left the rest there  ).  The kids decorated the wheat-free, dipped-in-white-chocolate cake balls with frosting I made for my niece's poodle cupcakes instead of the cake pops.  The pops never ended up looking like cute, pastel-colored easter eggs...and I'm fine with that.  It bugs me that I couldn't make the darn things...but I'm letting it go. 

For now.

 

Sort of, anyway.  By slamming the back end of my car into the side of a mountain, I sort of did the forcing myself, but it did make me slow down, none-the-less.  We slid on a patch of gravel going around a corner on a windy, back road, and slid back and forth across the road several times, ending up in a minor ditch on the wrong side of the road.  We are all fine...the car, apparently not so much...though the only thing that really hit the mountain was the rear driver's side tire.  I was able to drive it home without incident (it happened about a mile away from the house "as the crow flies."), and upon arriving home, realized that the rear tire was hissing...losing air...some debris from the ditch we wound up in found it's way between the rim and the tire, breaking the seal, I guess.  I figured...no big deal, right?  One tire.  Pretty insignificant accident.  Phew. 

Remember me and Murphy??

Yesterday when Seth tried to remove the tire, he found that the rim had siezed--permanently attached to the brake something-or-other--and he couldn't get it off to put the spare on the car...so he had to have it towed to our happy garage about 5 miles from here (crap.  there's an extra $65 I hadn't planned on spending.)...they removed the tire, replacing it with a junk one (ok. not too bad. $12 for the tire removal) so we could have both the rear tires replaced at Sam's.  After our Thursday afternoon insanity, we drove it home.  It still shuddered above 45 mph--alignment?  Threw another tire off balance?  Mud in another tire?  Bent rim?  Who knows.  So, plans to drive an hour to our homeschool co-op to teach my baking class this morning quickly went right out the window...probably not a good plan to chew up $160 worth of new tires the day after we replaced them.  Unfortunately, being that it's a Friday, and Good Friday at that, good luck getting the car in someplace close enough to not defeat the purpose of not going to co-op!  This is just another time living closer to town would be very, very convenient (don't even get me started).  Anyway, the soonest our happy little repair man can look at the car is 4:00 this afternoon...30 minutes away from the gym where Lainie has practice at 4:30...hmm...(so much for a simple, no-big-deal accident.)

In the meantime, and because we can't really go anywhere until the car is fixed (or until we can go to get it fixed), we have spent our morning very, very quietly.  Moving slowly.  Without insanity.  Doing what we all love...baking.  After going to bed early last night (I know...who is this??), I got up early this morning, deciding that 8 hours of sleep was probably enough...and accomplished much before the cherubs awoke--though they got up more than an hour before their "normal" rise-and-shine time.  We made strawberry cake, crumbled it up, and mixed it with a batch of frosting, then balled it up into 1-inch balls...then did the same thing with a gluten-free chocolate cake...and tossed them into the fridge to firm up...later...we're going to coat 'em with melted chocolate and decorate them.  Can't wait to show you the pictures...if they turn out. :)  Thank you, Bakerella!

PS--an update...after driving Lainie to an early practice ( found out at 11:22 that her practice was rescheduled: 12-2 rather than 4:30-6:30) (recall--we live 35 minutes from the gym), the car vibrating all the way here, with plans to drive directly to Monroe Muffler (.5 mi. from the gym) and sit there while Lainie practiced until they could look at the car...I decided to check out the front tire before we left for Monroe.  Should have done this before leaving the house. Should have done this last night.  Duh.  The darn rim was full of mud.  Stuffed full.  Upon scraping it out, and taking the car to the highway for an above-50 mph test drive, it's fine.  No more vibration.  I can hold the steering wheel without my voice shaking, or my arms feeling like they're going to unattach from my torso.  Thank Heavens!!  The thought of another cost from this accident...ugh.  Pretty sure I heard relief in Seth's voice when he called to check in (partly, I'm sure, because he didn't have to figure out how to help us orchestrate this afternoon's running around...but only partly.).  Feel like a bit of an idiot...and really badly for letting my cooking/baking class down this morning...but, you know, I think we needed today.  Just to slow down.  Just to relax.  Even to have several impromptu discussions about why today is Good Friday.  Because, after all...it is a pretty significant day that we would have skimmed over if we had gone to co-op.  Sometimes I don't understand God's timing, or his reasons...but he definitely has them.  Sometimes, I just have to slow down to notice.

...we're still waiting.  Only now we're waiting on some paperwork--from the owner's bank, saying they have been current on their house payments, and from their insurance company, saying that they're actually getting the money they say they're getting.  When all of that comes through, we have decided we will probably rent the house from these people until we can close--apparently the insurance company is giving them a hard time about it.  We've requested the remainder of April rent-free (as we've already paid our rent here, and now we're paying to keep our mortgage locked in), and then we'll see what happens in May. 

So that's where we are.  Oh, and at each other's throats.  We're there too.  And looking at other houses.  And not finding much.  Absolutely not finding anything in our price range.  Sure, we could spend another hundred thousand to get what we're looking for...but, umm...not thinking that's terribly responsible.  Kind of gives new meaning to the phrase "house poor."

Maybe next week.

Venti.  Bigger than that, even.  Because, I think places like Starbucks should carry sizes like XXL.  :)  Forget the fancy word for "really freaking big."  Just give it to me hyper-caffeinated and super sweet in large quantities.  Extra, extra large quantities.  (Did you know venti actually means 20 in Italian?  And that a Venti drink at Starbucks is actually 20 oz., 24 if it's iced (to make room for the ice...)?  You probably did.  I definitely didn't.  Had to look it up...)

I found recipes.  This is such a dangerous thing.  And being that I live 40 minutes from any store that might actually carry vanilla syrup or caramel syrup...recipes were my only option.  At first, I was kind of like, "Hmm...do I really want to take the time to make vanilla syrup and caramel syrup??  That sounds fussy and miserable.  Maybe not worth it."  Then I re-read the words "Starbucks Caramel Macchiato Recipe" and said, "Duh."  About 45 minutes later, I took my first sip of my caramel macchiato and...let's just say...it was worth it.

So, if you have an espresso/cappucino machine with a steamer...here you go:

2 Tbsp. Vanilla Coffee Syrup
3-4 Tbsp. Caramel Coffee Syrup
1/2 c. Brewed Espresso
8 oz. Steamed Milk (I use a lot less, but I like espresso...and I have a lactose intolerance)

Sorry friends.  This recipe has officially caused me to eat caramel coffee syrup (it's really just glorified ice cream topping) by the spoonful.  Not that I'm above that anyway...but still.  Also, decaf espresso beans mean you can drink this as an after-dinner snack and still sleep at night.  This works beautifully when trying to avoid a bowl of ice cream.  However...not sure it has any less calories or carbs than the ice cream.  :)  Actually, I think there's something like 250 calories and 36 g of carbs in it...but I don't care. 

Mostly. :)

Words spoken through the mouth of a dear friend today, straight from the heart of God:

Job 38.  This chapter is 41 verses of God giving Job what-for.  Mindy's Paraphrase:  "Who do you think you are, anyway, questioning me and my plan like you are??  Don't you think that I--the Creator, Orchestrator, Manager, Overseer, and Chief Executive Officer of Earth and Life and All Things--know what I'm doing??"

And another friend gave me this bit of wisdom earlier this week..Philipians 2:14-15a : "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation."

Even more, this morning right before I taught at co-op, another sweet friend sent me this text:  "for i know the plans i have for u declares the Lord. Plans 2 prosper you and not to harm you. Plans 2 give you hope and a future." "commit your ways 2 the Lord and He WILL give u the desires of your heart."  "Our God is awesome and faithful. and he has already WON! Lets go boldly through this day.  luv ya.

You know, there have been times in my life where God has dealt with me gently.  Where he has held me in his hands and quieted me.  Where he has wrapped his arms around me by giving me sweet friends who gather me in, or dear verses, or wonderful rewards.  Very infrequently has he smacked me upside the head and said, "Get over it.  Who's in charge here, anyway?" 

Point taken.

Painted two coats on the red wall (merlot... :) ), cleaned (scoured and scrubbed with ammonia and bleach) 8 cabinets and a drawer, and bleached about 30 square feet of tile grout in the kitchen.  Turns out my cabinet count was close--20 cabinets, 8 drawers--and that my hour count was semi-close.  Accomplished what I included above between 2:15 and 5:15.  Not too bad.  And my fear of Seth hating the merlot?  His comment was, "It's warm."  And later, he said, "What do you think about doing the whole living room this color?"  I think it got his nod of approval.   (We're not doing the whole room merlot, by the way...the furniture is navy at this point.  I don't want that with that much of a contrast in the whole room.  The rest will be the color of the paint above the cabinets in the kitchen--and with the newly updated pics...you can see what color that is!!)

Oh, the pics...it's a smattering of March, and I'm too lazy to label them.  We have birthday parties, two of Lainie's meets, one in Cumberland, and one here at home (the one where she's in a leo and getting a medal, that's her 6th place medal for vault! Her first award for placing!), more birthday parties, first kite-flying experiences, and house pictures.  The last two...if you don't know who that cake is...well, you need to go see Monsters vs. Aliens.  It's worth it.  :)  We celebrated Bryson and Reasa's birthdays late with our friends, the McKeons...did I tell you this already??  Gabe is in the picture with the two of them, and we followed cake with the movie in all it's 3D glory. 

Latest news on the house:  the owner's realtor finally called the insurance company to find out what the deal was with the check, and it is being delivered by courier to the owner tomorrow. 

Whatever.  I'll believe it when I hear it from our lawyer. 

Maybe next week we'll close.

I will paint the living room wall red.  I will clean out several kitchen cabinets and spray down some more grout in the kitchen with clorox cleanup (oh, my gosh, you should see the grout).  I will pray that everything works out so that we can have the house.  And if we never get it, well, somebody will have really clean kitchen cabinets, a beautiful red wall in the living room, and extremely clean grout some day (not to mention the turquoise bedroom, the crazy lime green classroom, the brown-toned kitchen, a java bedroom, and a stunning lack of wallpaper borders).  Even if the tile is still pink. 

Because, you see, if I don't do something, I think I may lose my mind.  And if I keep putting it off and accomplishing nothing, I may have a nervous breakdown.  And if I have a nervous breakdown, we'll never get a house.  Any house.  Can't afford the hospital/mental health bills and a house. 

:)  See?  I can still laugh.  I know you've been reading this blog lately and wondering.  I can.  Really.   

And you know, even if we don't get the house eventually, right now, there's still a good chance that we will.  And if it comes down to crunch time and we all-of-a-sudden close, and the kitchen isn't clean...have you ever moved into a house where the kitchen isn't clean??  AAK!  And the thought of trying to paint around furniture...I know people do it all the time, but if you can avoid it, and you've already put the time into priming the wall and painting 4 other rooms...I mean, seriously, what's a few more hours and another $20 of paint you've already bought?? 

He he...want to laugh with me? Spent 2.5 hours cleaning out 2 cabinets (tall, pantry ones) and the refrigerator/freezer.  Two and a half hours.  Yes, you read that right.  At this rate...if you count the rest of the kitchen cabinets...let's see...there are about 20 cabinets, and maybe 5 drawers, plus the stove, the dishwasher, the sink, and tile counter top on the island...hmm...another 15 hours or so??  So, maybe by next week, the kitchen will be cleaned!!  And maybe by next week, we'll have a closing date!!  Will keep you posted...