My baby brother had a baby tonight (or rather, his very, very patient and wonderful wife had a baby).  Jaidyn Aubree was born at 9:02pm after 13 1/2 hours of labor (1 1/4 pushing) and she weighed in at a perfect 8 lb. 15 oz, 20" long.  She has a beautiful head of very dark hair, her mommy's nose, and eyes that look like they could actually be brown (she'll be the first of 7 grandchildren on our side of the family to have brown eyes!!).  She is absolutely beautiful.  We're just thrilled for Kevin and Jenn (who will celebrate their first anniversary in just over two weeks!!), and we can't wait to snuggle her.  It was a very long day at Strong Memorial Hospital (and a long day away from my cherubs who so wanted to see their new cousin), but I am so glad I could be there to see her as quickly as they would let us...it's never quick enough!! 

Many, many blessings, little Jaidyn!!

Have I mentioned I would give anything for another newborn?

I like sleep.  I do.  I don't require an awful lot of it...give me 6 hours of it a night, even interrupted, and I'm pretty much set...but I like it.  I remember exhaustion with an infant in the house (I remember exhaustion with two infants in the house...boy, do I), and I know I've gotten older since having those babies, but I would do it again so quickly.

In the past month, I have had 2 friends' children overnight, and another for half the night (tonight while his mommy went to be with her friend who was having a baby), and two of the 6 children have been under 6 months old...sure, they get up in the night, and they cry, and they can't tell you what the heck is the matter with them, but there is that complete dependence...that total reliance upon whomever picks them up.  And yes, they prefer Mommy, or Daddy at very least, but they really will take whomever has a loving touch, a gentle voice, and soothing words...especially if all that is accompanied by snuggling arms and the rocking sway of a mommy...you miss those moments with your newborn(s).  I do anyway.

It is a hard place to be, knowing that I'll never have an infant again.  May seem silly to you.  Seems completely insane to Seth, who was content to make things final after baby number 3...and I know there is a trust in God that has to come into play here...he knows so much better than I what I could actually handle, and what Seth could live through (I don't know that he would survive a fourth baby), and what my kids need.  Just very difficult for me in all of my human-ness to accept.

And I love my children at their ages (despite my last entry)...I love that Reasa wants to make lemonade for dinner "All By Herself."  I love that Bryson goes upstairs in his jammies and comes down dressed and beaming..."look what a big boy thing I did" written all over his face.  And I love that Lainie can read the buttons on the DVD player (oh, little couch potato) and knows how to make it work.  Half the time the kids figure out that kind of thing more quickly than I do!  But through all of their stages, there is that piece of dependence I miss.  The helplessness of infancy...as opposed to the "leave me alone so I can do it myself!!" of what I have now.

Ahhh...children.  They have turned me into such a Mom.


P.S.  Happy anniversary, Paige!  Congratulations!!  9 years is no small feat!!  :)  (And I know that from experience...we celebrated 9 in May!)  Hope you enjoyed your day.

Hmm...

There are five children (hopefully) asleep in four rooms of my house. Children bring such an interesting flavor to life...add two children who are not your own to the three who are, and complicated issues arise. I have always said that God made me to be a mom. Many of my friends shake their heads and joke that crazy Mindy could have handled and loved on 8 or 10 of her own. Some days, I believe and agree with those statements. Other days, I want to strangle the three I have.

I now have five children awake running around my upstairs (two of whom never did fall asleep yesterday afternoon when I wrote the above), and it's funny...though I didn't do much in terms of real activity (other than a trip to the library and the Parent Resource Center) yesterday, and I went to bed and got up at normal times, five children seven and under are a busy lot. I sat in the recliner this morning (when everyone got up at 7:00. ARGH!!) for an hour with my eyes closed and wished I could nap with all of them today. I have become very accustomed to my hour and a half or so of quiet and calm after Seth leaves for work and before Bryson gets up at 7:30...those moments of solitude when I shower, plan my day, converse with my Lord, sip hot coffee, fold a load of laundry, unload the dishwasher...you know, grown-up moments. When I don't have those moments (and especially when they're interrupted all at once by 4 screeching little people), my brain freezes. I walk around a bit cross-eyed for the rest of the day. It's 8:40am, and now that everyone is fed, changed and playing, I'm taking those moments of relative silence.

Ever had a 7-and-a-half-year-old? Want mine for a few days? Can you cure her?

Reasa has recently presented a 7-and-a-half-year-old attitude that just makes me want to SCREAM...whether she's sassing me or snapping at her sister or telling a friend that playing with Polly Pockets is stupid and she doesn't want to play with her or sticking her tongue out at me when I turn my back...issues like these keep popping up. You shake your head, throw your hands up to the sky, and wonder what you're doing so incredibly wrong. You sit her down and try to talk to her and she just cries and puts her head down and won't look at you or turns her back on you or tells you, "I just don't feel like part of this family any more," or, "I feel like you never give me any attention!" Moments of failure as a parent. That's where I'm at. The incredible thing is, she is by nature my most compassionate, most loving, most helpful child, and has been since I brought Lainie home when she was 11 months old. I know this is all just some enormous, horrible phase she's going through. However, I know it's my job to get her through it before this becomes part of the person she is. And I need to figure it all out soon!! Much of it, I realize, is stuff she's just old enough and smart enough to concoct and use in her favor (the whole not giving her any attention bit, or the not feeling like part of the family)--she certainly does not lack the ability to formulate intelligent, manipulative drama. And I want her to be smart. I just don't want her to be intentionally hurtful. Or manipulative for that matter. And have you noticed that the more attention you lavish on a child who seems to crave attention, the more attention they crave? Holy backfire!! I know that consistency is key here. With every display of attitude, I need to reign it in. Lovingly. But that's where I'm lacking. When you want to strangle your child for complete disrespect or flagrant disobedience, displaying a loving attitude yourself is beyond difficult. So what happens? I snap. I explode. I lose it with my kid. And that is what she watches. And internalizes. And right now, add to Reasa's attitude Lainie's current whining incessantly/sulking/sobbing/moping/laying in a heap when she doesn't get what she wants (which is most of the time), and Bryson's throwing himself on the floor in complete frustration or screaming when he can't do something (and at 4, there are a lot of things he wants to do that he just can't), or absolutely refusing to say "please help me" and wow. What a life. SOOOOO many opportunities to snap. I would not want to see the videotape of my reactions to them sometimes. And you can have a whole day where you think, "OK, I have done well. No outbursts, no angry looks, no angry words...smooth sailing." Then all of a sudden, all three of them go berserk at once, and your whole day is gone. Right down the tubes. And Seth says something like, "What happens all day with these kids? We are raising spoiled little brats! There is absolutely no discipline in this house!" Wow.

I am not an angry person. I have never dealt with anger issues in my life, or temper tantrums (other than slamming doors as a teenager, which has somewhat carried over into adulthood)(my parents and brothers are laughing right now), or screaming fits...and the three people who, besides their father, mean the most in life to me, whom I absolutely live for, are the current recipients of my angry outbursts. I keep quoting the verse, "Do everything without grumbling or complaining," at them. Oh, and, "In your anger, do not sin." Sheesh. I think I'm going to write the verses on the mirrors, and the television screen, and the computer monitor. And maybe the window over my sink. And the backs of my hands. And my forehead. Backwards.

Crazy Mindy. That's definitely me today. Oh, Lord, help.

Isn't that what vacation is about??

I don't think you ever really recover from camping.  Things stay in your camper when they should come in the house, and suddenly, they no longer exist...you make forty-eight trips from kitchen to camper to find missing tools, making a mental note each time to purchase an extra for the camper (scratch that, buy it for the house)...laundry never ends...the kids look more waif-like than usual (probably due to the presence of more lake algae than soap and water)("what do you mean I have to wash my hands before I eat?  It's just a worm, Mommy!")...my hair gets flatter and the color less identifiable with each passing day...sleep no longer exists...and we choose this every summer.  At least for one long stretch.  And a couple of short ones.  What are we thinking??

No, really, I'm fine.  A bit tired.  OK, a lot tired.  The neck is very stiff.  I slept on it funny the last night we camped, and now even my jaw hurts.  Anyone know of a really good massage therapist?  You know, I think stiff necks benefit from a good night's sleep, and unfortunately, when you have a stiff neck, a good night's sleep is next to impossible.  So, here I am.  Tired.  And stiff.  And unable to chew anything with a crunch. 

Have you ever bought clothing on ebay?  I won an auction for a gorgeous chocolate brown silk dress that retailed for $118 for $17.30 (plus $8 shipping) last week, and it arrived on Saturday--I worried as I waited for its arrival, and worried again as I ripped open the packaging...you just never know if the description will match up with the product...I was very happy with it...perfect description of the product, and it fits like someone tailored it to my body...if only all ebay auctions turned out so well!!  I don't know if I would readily venture into clothing on ebay again (I bought a lot of clothes for the girls one time, and was vastly disappointed), especially if time is of the essence (I needed an inexpensive dress for Seth's brother's wedding next week), but you never know...I guess you find a good seller and keep an eye out for stuff from them.  Now, why does this warrant a blog paragraph?  I don't know...I'm in a rambling mood, I guess.

I gave 7 hair cuts today.  How does that work, exactly?  I don't have time and can't justify the cost of getting my own hair cut by a professional (nor do I trust anyone to cut my hair), but I can cut 7 heads of hair in one day??  Everyone needed cuts all at once...Mom, Dad, Seth, Reasa, Lainie, Jess, Abbi...Bryce could really use a cut too, but every hair cut turns into a battle with him, and by the time I finished Reasa's, it was already 8:30...no thanks.  Maybe I'll get brave and take the kids down to the salon at the end of the street with me tomorrow.  Dangerous, but maybe worthwhile...the last time I cut it, I butchered myself.  Not a pretty sight.  I don't even know if it can be fixed yet!!  Ahh, well.  My mom tells me I'm the only one who can tell.  She's so sweet. 

Argh. The curriculum struggle continues.  Trying to justify the expense of brand new Sonlight curriculum, while realizing that it's not a financially responsible decision to make right now.  Found a used Curriculum with the level and readers I'm looking for on ebay for a great price, but it closes tomorrow afternoon...and you just never know who's going to bid it up...I'm not sure what I'll use if I don't go with Sonlight--I'm so pleased with where the girls are at right now after using Sonlight...and I have to have a plan in to the school district in two weeks...and I'm pretty sure they won't accept an IHIP that reads "I'm not really sure what we're doing in second grade...let me try a couple of thigns, and I'll let you know in a couple of months."  I'm not thrilled with Five in a Row (and if any of you have any feedback on that curriculum, I would love to hear it) in comparison with Sonlight--it seems a bit fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-ish to me.  As a means of avoiding the issue, I worked on Bryson's Pre-K curriculum today and planned his first 4 weeks...I think he will do beautifully with the Letter of the Week curriculum I used with the girls at this age--he's very ready for letters and letter sounds and all the fun stuff that goes along with this curriculum (I'm adding the link for the curriculum to my favorite sites...if you're looking for free pre-K curriculum, this is great!).  Now we just need to figure out a balance for all three kids and school consistency!

If you have been praying for my friend Stacy who is in Virginia with her daughter at a feeding clinic, please continue!!  She is doing better now than she has been, and Stacy's sons are finally with her (after a very long stretch of not being with her...I can't imagine weeks without two of my kids!!)...at this point, there are a definite two weeks left in the program for Bridgette, with the possibility of a third, and they won't be alone for any more of it.  As a mom, and as a friend, I know they would appreciate your prayers for peace and progress through the home stretch of this process. 

And check out Baby Audrey!!  She is doing well, though she needs to keep gaining weight...God is good!! 

OK...my rambling must be getting boring for you.  Sorry to all of you brave souls who check in with me...many blessings!!